The Unthinkable

A few days ago I did the unthinkable. That's right, I ventured far enough outside of my comfort zone to step on a scale nearly three weeks after giving birth. And to top it off, I even went out to the store to buy a new battery for the scale, so this was a premeditated humiliation.

Why you ask? Why would anyone subject themselves to this type of humiliation so soon after bringing a child into this world? I'll tell you why. I was lulled into a false sense of security a few days prior to setting foot on that darned scale. I'll admit it. I was also a little curious. I had tried on a pair of pants that were non-maternity pants a few days prior to stepping on the scale and they actually fit. Ok, well fit is a term I use loosely. I was able to put them on and zip them up, however they did not fit the same as they had in the past. I thought, "well if these pants fit, I can't be THAT overweight. WRONG! :(

Depressing is not a word I would use to describe my experience. Devastating would be more appropriate. You may think that I am exaggerating, but remember prior to getting pregnant I had worked hard to get my body in shape from the post baby weight from Caiden. It took me a long time to finally lose those last 15lbs, and I was not exactly anxious to put the weight back on. I wasn't quite where I wanted to be, but I was a lot better off then now.

So what did the scale tell me? It told me that I had 15lbs more to lose!!! Again with this darned 15lbs. The same 15lbs that wouldn't leave my stomach, thighs and butt for years after I had Caiden!!! I know that I am not supposed to exercise for 6 weeks after delivery, however I think I may have to start working out a little earlier than that. I mean, I have to fit into my work clothes SOMEHOW! To make matters worse Dave bought me work clothes for Christmas and I cant even zip them up.

I actually think that I have gained weight since Kiya's birth, although I have no actual proof and the scale had a dead battery before a few days ago. If i did, I blame Heather for that...its the little heart shaped white cakes that she supplied me with. However, Heather may also help me out of this mess too. She said she would be willing to keep me on track if give her my weight. If anyone can do that it's Heather. She's persistent. :)

Sigh. You want to know the worst part. Now that I know I have 15 lbs to lose, I still can't seem to get myself motivated to avoid all the unhealthy, crappy food. I still eat it and then hate myself later for it. To make matters worse I'm nursing so I can't diet. Hey that gives me an idea...can breast milk weigh at least 5lbs? Nah...I didn't think so. :( Darn it.