I Don't DO Spiders!

Seriously, I thought I would just throw that out there. I don't DO spiders, and neither does Heather apparently. Why the random thought you ask? Well, Blogger friend, I am glad you asked.

As I am thinking this over now, as it has been a few days, I fear that this story will be one of those stories where I tell it and I am LMAO (laughing my ass off for those of you who do not speak text speak...you are welcome, mom) and you are just staring at me (or in this case the computer screen). Well, I am going to try it anyway, the story that is. After all, I was told...no, I was ACCUSED by a co-worker of not being a risk taker. Well, here I am taking a risk on a story that may not actually be funny to anyone other than Heather and I. But I digress.

So, let's rewind to a few days ago. *Insert Goldilocks style music here* It was bright and early on this fine Tuesday day, and Heather and I decide that we are in need of some Starbucks. We hop in my car, and head off to the land of caffeine happiness. Heather and I are deep in conversation about something that for the life of me I cannot remember and I am making a right turn towards our destination when out of NOWHERE Heather starts SCREAMING (I kid you not!) and jumping. Now this was not just your run of the mill girl scream. This was a blood-curdling-something-is-terribly-wrong-and-I-cannot-even-possess- the-presence-of-
mind-to-string-coherent-words-together-to-make-a-sentence type of screaming.

I slam on the brakes because I thought I hit something (even though I felt nothing), was about to hit something, or was completely oblivious to SOMETHING that Heather was trying to alert me to when I turn over to look at her with this shocked expression on my face and then I see it. A spider!!!! And not just ANY spider. The largest, brown spider I have seen scurrying from under the seat (or somewhere), past Heather's feet and up towards my glove box. I think Heather even scared the spider, as he (my assumption being that this evilness was surely a male :P) was just a blur of brown hauling ass outta there since this crazy, non verbal lady (aka Heather) was making such a racket.

Remember, I am still driving at this point, and was in the MIDDLE of making a right hand turn. The light has changed green and the cars going straight are coming, unbeknownest to them of the craziness that IS Heather and I in my spider infested car. I look over at Heather, who at this point, is still non-verbal and pull the car into the bike lane, put it in park, have the peace of mind to put on my hazards, undo my seat belt, turn off the engine and JUMP out of the car (with my key in hand) SCREAMING!!! I know, I know. You are impressed that I put my hazards on. Yes, well I tend to be very good in emergency situations as you can see. I mean, I even turned my car off and grabbed my key just in case that abnormally large spider had the crazy idea to take off with my car. :P I even grabbed my camera.I mean of COURSE I had to blog about this. I DO have my priorities in line. :P

I look over at Heather and she is GONE! She made a run for it, before i had even put the car in park...I think I was still in motion when she was getting out of the car, jumping up and down and chucking her shoes off. I guess she figured I could fend for myself against this enormous beast of a spider. :P At this point, we are both out of the car, screaming, jumping and laughing. Screaming because we don't do spiders, jumping because we fear it is now on us somewhere, and laughing because we feel like such rejects. :)

I can only IMAGINE what passersby are seeing. From their perspective, they see two girls in a car turning right when the car jerks to the right and both girls jump out screaming and jumping and probably flailing about. One girl throws her shoes and then both start laughing.

Heather deep in her investigation

At this point, we have calmed down a bit. Heather has started her investigation for the big brown bug, and I have called for reinforcements. Who do I call?? Well a car expert of course, Stephen, the car-know-it-all from Massachusetts. My question? "If the spider crawled up by the glove box is it still in my car, or could it have gotten out?" Second question. "If I buy Raid and spray loads of it, will it ruin my engine?" To be honest I am not sure how amused Stephen is. After all, he is my counterpart out in the Northeast, and this kind of came out of the blue for him. He stammers a yes to both questions then promptly hangs up from my crazy call. (Sorry Stephen).

Unfortunately the creature that is the big, brown blur was never found. And to show how dedicated we are to Starbucks, Heather and I braved the spider infested car to continue our journey to caffeine land. I do not know what happened to the spider...Heather thinks it is laying low to have thousands of babies that will wreak havoc on me. She has also considered that the spider was fried in my engine and refers to it as "Burnt Spider". I prefer to think that after the performance that Heather had, it ran for dear life and escaped to the great outdoors for some peace, quiet and relaxation. Wherever it may be, I just hope that our paths do not cross again as I cannot guarantee what the outcome would be. Remember, I do not do spiders. :P